Intimacy is a Gift Not a Weapon | Dr. Z & Mama Z

[00:00:01] Dr. Z: Hey friends, this is Dr. Eric Zielinski. Most people just call me Dr. Z. Welcome to the Natural Living Family Podcast. 

[00:00:07] Together we’ll uncover biblical wisdom and practical tools to help you and your family escape the confusion of this toxic world and walk in the abundant life God has promised. This isn’t about chasing trends or doing it all. It’s about renewing your mind, rejecting broken systems, and embracing God’s design for healing and wholeness.

[00:00:28] The truth is God has a beautiful plan for your life, and yes, your health matters to Him. Are you ready to get started? Awesome. Let’s dive in.

[00:00:38] Hey, y’all got Mama Z back on the show.

[00:00:40] Mama Z: Hey, great to be here.

[00:00:42] Dr. Z: Alright, so we’re gonna continue our theme here. Going back to that viral post on Instagram about marriage tips. Last week we talked about date night and how that triggered so many people. I’m still shocked by that.

[00:00:56] So if you haven’t, go to NaturalLivingFamilyOfficial, check out that Instagram post and leave a comment. Be sure to listen to the episode last week and we wanna hear how you celebrate your spouse and your loved ones through date night.

[00:01:09] But today we’re gonna talk about something that I, again, didn’t think was going to be as controversial as it was, but it is. And I’m like, whoa. The whole purpose of what I was trying to say is we can’t use intimacy as a weapon, and I used this phrase, sexless marriage, that is a thing, by the way, and it’s a really weird thing.

[00:01:33] And I say it’s a weird thing in the context of a Christian marriage because the Bible’s clear., Sex is talked about repeatedly, a special gift between a man and a woman. Like why would anyone not wanna make love to their spouse? And this whole concept of a sexless marriage is just so foreign to me, and quite frankly, it’s unbiblical in the context of two healthy people. In the context of two equally yoked people.

[00:01:56] Like, of course there are things that we need to consider, people are sick or whatever. I understand there’s always exceptions to the rule, but I would think that the Christians following us would be all about us recognizing that, you know, like the Bible says, our body is not our own.

[00:02:13] Ooh, that one got everybody. That was what it was. And you could see just a crazy outpour in response from people that were triggered by that biblical phrase.

[00:02:24] So, Mama Z, I gotta ask you, the Bible says this, your body is not your own. You’re not supposed to deny your spouse AKA me of intimacy. As a woman of God, when you read that scripture in the book of Corinthians, how does that make you feel?

[00:02:41] Mama Z: I, I feel that it’s important to have intimacy. I feel that it’s important to be with your spouse. So the fact that it’s biblical, you know, is even more important to have that connection time with one another that is in a deep way that nobody else has.

[00:03:00] Dr. Z: That phrase, your body is not your own. That was the phrase that really triggered many, many people.

[00:03:07] And the reality is this, and let me be sensitive to the situation. ‘Cause , you’ve had your own sexual abuse history that you can relate to, and this is something that’s very common, y’all. I mean, over 50% of all women have reported at least one incident of sexual abuse, and that’s just the reporting. God only knows how much and is horrible. Really, it really is horrible.

[00:03:30] And that phrase, your body is not your own, has triggered so much anger by people, that people quite frankly, were accusing me of things that I like, I just didn’t know what else to do. I deleted a lot of comments because it got nasty.

[00:03:43] And this is a biblical recommendation from the Apostle Paul all about the context around satisfying our partner’s physical needs for intimacy so that they’re not tempted to go somewhere else. I mean, it really is a,. Partly a solution and a preventative measure to prevent adultery. And this is just one thing, quite frankly, one thing of all the things that trigger a man or a woman to go find intimacy outside of the marriage, but like the book of Proverbs says, we’re supposed to delight in the wife of our youth and don’t be spreading our waters other places.

[00:04:21] Over and over and over again. One man, one woman. A marriage that should have regular intimacy.

[00:04:27] Mama Z: It’s that two becomes one. Yeah. Flesh, right? So, I think that’s important. It’s biblical and it’s part of the gift of marriage.

[00:04:37] So if this has been an issue, sometimes it can be because of pain or it can be because of past traumas. It can be a lot of issues as to why you’re not intimate with your spouse.

[00:04:50] And I would really encourage you, especially if it’s a pain issue, to see a pelvic floor specialist. There are so many things that that they are able to help you work through because it could be if you’ve had children, there could be damage there, there could be other things that you need to therapy through to make it better.

[00:05:10] And so there are specialists that are in that area that can actually help your physical needs if it’s a physical need issue.

[00:05:19] Dr. Z: Yeah. And if there’s a trauma trigger, please prayerful ly consider seeking out professional support.

[00:05:25] A physical issue, we understand and that was a big issue. ” I don’t feel well” or “I’m sick”. Well, we’re not talking you know, to put yourself in physical harm’s way just to satisfy your partner’s desires. Yet there should be in a healthy relationship, regular intimacy. And that include, I’m talking sex, I’m not talking just like holding hands like male in female needs are different and each spouse has different needs, but-

[00:05:53] Mama Z: and those needs change based on your age

[00:05:55] Dr. Z: Yeah.

[00:05:55] Mama Z: And And your hormones. Yeah. And other things of that nature. And so you have to be, of course, sensitive to that with your other person, but it’s so important to still connect.

[00:06:05] Dr. Z: And a healthy sex drive is , an indication of a healthy body. And healthy sex drive is an indication of a healthy spirit. And it’s how God created us. And this is not a judgment for people that are struggling in this area. So please don’t take it as that, because again, we’re not calling you out individually.

[00:06:20] We’re just, we’re stating things that we have both worked out situations. And, , with Mama Z working through her own past, , sexual traumas and me dealing with my own sexual addiction to pornography and things that I struggled with before I met Christ, we’ve had to work out our stuff to come together, and the more that we worked out our own individual stuff, for the sake of the other, for the sake of our spouse, our partners, just made our intimacy today that much more sweet.

[00:06:49] But that really was the trigger for a lot of people is “I don’t enjoy sex”.

[00:06:54] Well, okay. I mean, I am shocked, quite frankly, that someone would get married and knowingly not wanna make love. I just don’t understand that. And that’s that whole concept of a sexless marriage that to me is so unbiblical. I mean, why would you wanna get married if you knowingly don’t want to make love to the person that you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with?

[00:07:14] It seems to me that is a recipe for disaster. And you see it growing in non-Christian circles, but in Christian circles, which again, we have a Bible health ministry. A vast majority of the people that follow us online are Christian, and for so many people that identify as Christians almost like bragging on the fact that they’re not having sex with their spouse.

[00:07:36] I’m like, I don’t see health in this.

[00:07:40] Mama Z: No. And , and I’ve talked to different pastors and that has been one of, , one of the biggest things that people come on a weekly basis to ask questions about or what they can do. And so, if our pastors are seeing this, it is so important that we address this before it becomes an issue because obviously it is an issue.

[00:08:01] It’s an issue that people don’t wanna talk about, but it’s an issue that needs to be talked about and you need to push through. And sometimes that can be that you’re upset with your spouse, or you’re not feeling this or that.

[00:08:14] But you know , because you become one flesh, sometimes you have to, and forgive me for saying this, but sometimes you gotta get over yourself and realize that other people do have needs besides yours in order to uh, for the sake of the whole, you become one flesh. And so it’s really important to address that.

[00:08:33] Now, some people have sexual dysfunction and other things, but like, Dr. Z said you need to definitely dive in deep , and figure out where some of that stuff comes from so that you can be truly healed once and for all. And even if this bothers you, there is no there is no condemnation with this.

[00:08:53] This is an area that you have to grow in if you’re going to go on for what God has for you. And the best that God has for you.

[00:09:01] Dr. Z: And let me be clear. The verse, your body is not your own, is never an excuse or license for abuse. And that was another thing that several, and we’re talking dozens of them, hundreds of women posted on this thread that went viral, is that men have used that verse to abuse their wives. And I can’t argue with that, but that is also not a godly man.

[00:09:22] And so when we look at the scripture, there’s this presupposition that we’re talking about equally yoked people. A man and a woman who both love the Lord, who both are trying to honor God first and foremost, and love their spouse. That’s who Paul is speaking to.

[00:09:39] Paul isn’t speaking to backsliden people. And quite frankly, if you have unequally yoked yourself to somebody, you’re in a different situation, and I’m sorry. A lot of people, in that thread especially were talking about, my husband’s not a Christian, or I married an unbeliever and they use that verse to abuse me, or whatever that is. But point out, this is not a license to abuse people.

[00:10:01] And like Mama Z was sharing, and quite frankly, sometimes I’m , really tired and I don’t wanna give her a neck rub or a foot rub, but I will hopefully muster up the energy and to do something like that and to give her what her body needs and wants. And sexually, I’m sure she has done that for me over the years and it was never in an abusive situation. It was,, laying down your life or your husband.

[00:10:27] Like I have a little joke, like I’m laying down my life for my wife, right? Like the Bible says, greater love has no man than this, then to lay down his life for his friends. So, again, this is for sure a conversation for two equally yoked, loving people who may or may not wanna have sex at the moment, but you know what, if your spouse really is yearning for something and if it’s not an abusive situation.

[00:10:49] So that’s really what this boils down to , is just to put things back into perspective and to know that God’s given us these guardrails for our good.

[00:10:57] And if you are in a unequally yolk position, or if one of, you know your spouse is struggling in an area, please take this as a reminder to pray for them.

[00:11:06] Mama Z: Right.

[00:11:06] Dr. Z: You know, guys, if you’re listening and if your wife doesn’t wanna make love to you, pray for her. And even try to talk to her ’cause this is where these conversations typically don’t go well. These are typically heated, charged conversations that end up not necessarily good.

[00:11:21] So ask , what would be the ideal love making situation? Find out, when

[00:11:26] Mama Z: Talk to each other.

[00:11:27] Dr. Z: Remember that Love and Respect? I think it was that love and respect class. And, I heard something that I’ll never forget, right?

[00:11:33] And this was an older couple, and they were talking about in a very Christian, PG setting, just how spicy their love life was in a very, again, very Christian healthy setting. But that’s my takeaway.

[00:11:43] And they’re like, look; men are like microwaves, women are like crockpots. You gotta remember that guys. It takes some time. And so, I’ll start to work on Mama Z a couple hours, a day before. Working on the crockpot. And all she has to do is, pull her her blouse over her shoulder, and I’m like, let’s go.

[00:12:04] But that’s the thing. You gotta know who you are. And you gotta know , what turns your spouse on; spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. . It’s usually the emotional, spiritual stuff. And there’s a lot of things we could do. And I wanna, maybe you can give a couple practical things, but I know this isn’t like a practical sex class.

[00:12:19] We have a lot of content on our website, Natural Living Family, about libido boosting essential oils, and there’s herbs you can use.

[00:12:27] Mama Z: Mm-hmm.

[00:12:27] Dr. Z: And foods you could eat. But the reality is, I hope you are encouraged just to think about sex in a new way. And to see it as truly a beautiful celebration of love, which by the way is just between you and your spouse, no one else ever again. Amen. So it should be something very sacred because it is.

[00:12:50] Mama Z: Mm-hmm. Yes, and I would, so the first part, again, is definitely dealing with the past and putting the past behind you. Whether in our cases it was from our before marriage type things, , where, what things that happen and making sure that you’re healed from that.

[00:13:08] But then in a practical sense, talking to one another. Things are awkward unless you don’t talk about it. And and so I think it’s really important.

[00:13:20] This year in our Mom Co , the theme is like really to press through the awkward. And I think that’s really important when it comes to this because you have to talk to one another. You have to know each other’s likes, dislikes, et cetera.

[00:13:33] It can be something if you’ve never done that before, it can be something that you start. You can even start by praying over them while they’re sleeping at night. And and just , it’s really important. And understanding that your spouse has needs and what they are. And try to knock their socks off! Some of the times I’ll never forget.

[00:13:54] You can always make a suggestion, you don’t have to wait for people to start things as well. And so it’s never better than the spouse that doesn’t usually initiate things, to initiate things. So my encouragement to you is definitely to be an initiator, when you normally aren’t, and do something totally different than you would have ever done.

[00:14:17] And it’s a good disrupt for your for your body and it’s a good disrupt for your marriage and it’s something that will be remembered. So definitely go outside of the box and do something special for your spouse, in this way specifically, that helps you connect on a deeper level.

[00:14:35] Dr. Z: So last week we talked about date night. Today we talked about sexless marriage. Next week, I don’t know. Let us know what you think about these little marriage tips from our latest viral post on Instagram.

[00:14:47] We love to hear your comments and you could ask questions. We would love to answer your questions on the show.

[00:14:54] So as always, this is Dr. Z

[00:14:55] Mama Z: and Mama Z.

[00:14:56] Dr. Z: Our hope and prayers that you and your family truly experience the abundant life. God bless. God bless. .

[00:15:00] 

[00:15:02] Thanks for listening to the Natural Living Family Podcast. Hope today’s conversation encouraged and challenged you to live a healthier, more abundant life. Tune in next week for another life transforming discussion. 

[00:15:12] If today’s episode blessed you, please share it with a friend and leave a review. This helps more families discover the hope and healing founding God’s word. For show notes, transcripts and resources from today’s episode, visit natural living family podcast.com. And as always, this is Dr. Z. My hope and prayer is that you and your family truly experience the abundant life.

[00:15:33] God bless. Talk to you soon.